Monday, October 1, 2012

a sad realization

Last night, I came to an upsetting conclusion that I'm sure every epic party animal comes to at some point in their life:

I am an infinitely more fun person when I am drunk.

As unsettling as this is, I have already accepted the fact and will hopefully be able to continue living my life knowing this sad truth about me. But the more I think about it, the more I see that Drunk Sarah isn't a bad person. In fact, she's a rad person! Let me demonstrate with photos!

What I'm like when I'm sober:

Actual picture of me drunk:

Drunk Sarah already seems much more intriguing, right? Because she is! So we should celebrate and appreciate her way of life and talk about the awesome things she does.

Top 5 Facts About Drunk Sarah

1. Drunk Sarah is not afraid of telling babes that they are babes. If you are a babe and Drunk Sarah notices you, you will be notified of your babeliness. She does not care if you think she is a babe, nor does she necessarily want to hook up with you. Sober Sarah has attempted to do this numerous times with disastrous results.

2. Drunk Sarah is honest, even if the truth hurts. Sober Sarah wants nothing more than the ability to call people out on their bullshit, but she always bites her tongue. Drunk Sarah however, is not afraid in the slightest to say what's on her mind. She will lay the cold hard truth on a silver platter for you and then she will make a funny and you will spit out your drink and laugh and cry at the same time.

3. Drunk Sarah is considerate. One time, Drunk Sarah saw a girl crying at a bar so she went over to the guy who made her cry and yelled at him. Another time, Drunk Sarah told a girl she didn't like that her boyfriend looked like Ryan Reynolds even though he didn't so the girl would feel better about herself. Such a good samaritan right? I neglected to tell you that immediately after the mentioned Ryan Reynolds comment was made, Drunk Sarah told the girl "I don't really like you". But ignore that part.

4. Drunk Sarah has such zany ideas about life! It's true! Drunk Sarah is convinced that everyone who wears glasses is Jewish. Even herself! Everyone can learn a thing or two from Drunk Sarah.

5. Drunk Sarah has the stamina of a racehorse. It's true. Drunk Sarah can pretty much dance all night long. Sober Sarah is a buzzkill and will be like, "I'm tired. I wanna go home."

It's kind of a shame that Drunk Sarah doesn't exist 24 hours a day. Not saying that Sober Sarah is a shitty person to hang out with by any means but I guess Drunk Sarah is somewhat of a comedian? That explains why after every night out I wake up with text messages like, "LOL" and "I'm sorry that babe at your gym is engaged" and my all time favourite, "haha get real its not happening".

But seriously guys, Drunk Sarah is only as good as the company that she keeps. <3