Thursday, December 30, 2010

sarah's nye 2010 extravaganza!

Holy crap you guys, tomorrow is the last day of 2010! Can you believe it? I will always look upon 2010 fondly because it is a multiple of five. I have some goodies planned for this entry, so sit down and enjoy.

Okay, so first of all, here are my top 5 blog entries as chosen by you, the readers!

Ah, some good choices.

Next up, I have a list of all the cool and interesting things that went down in 2010:

-I said hello.
-I turned 20!
-filming stuff.
-I had my first surgery! So long wisdom teeth!
-I finally got closure from a person I desperately needed it from.
-I acquired awesomeness.
-May long camping!
-I quite possibly fell in love this year. It was very brief but pleasant. I'd do it again.
-Capilano bridge with Tony!
-I learned how to fight this year. Not physically, but verbally.
-I experienced the singlehanded most awkward moment ever.
-Pokemon Halloween!
-I wrote a lulzy short film with Tanaya.
-I relocated to Calgary.
-I said goodbye.

Funeral count: 1
Birth count: 1

Here's a list of things I LOVED in 2010:

-The Golden Girls
-coming to Calgary for home cooked meals and visiting friends.
-Red wine.
-getting money.
-hitting on teachers.

And finally, a list of what I hope to achieve in 2011:

-Twenty fun!
-Be happy always! (aka drunk)
-Get that brazilian.
-make a lot of money.
-move back to Vancouver!
-play more video games.
-evade rehab.

Happy New Year everyone!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

sarah's top 5 weird and unexplainable crushes!

Do you ever find yourself attracted to someone who isn't conventionally attractive and have a hard time justifying it to other people? Yeah, been there. Anyway, in the spirit of top 5's, here are my top 5 weird and unexplainable crushes!

1. Jason Schwartzman

Jason is sexy in the "I've never had a good haircut" kind of way. Have you guys ever watched HBO's Bored To Death? Cause you should, it's awesome and he's the star. But his haircut is a little distracting, I gotta say.

2. Fred Armisen

I'm really not sure how to explain this one. Maybe it's the nerd factor, or maybe it's that he plays female characters so well on SNL. And now I'm wondering if that little fact makes me gay. Just kidding, it doesn't.

3. Lord Durham

The sexiest person that ever appeared in my grade 8 social studies textbook. Wikipedia tells me that he had 8 children with two different women, that sly dog!

4. Billy Bob Thornton

I was watching Love Actually on Christmas, and Billy Bob plays the motherfucking President of the United States! Perfect casting!

5. Ricky Gervais
Yeah, I'm pretty head over heels over this man. I wouldn't say that he's my first choice in celebrity sexcapades because that spot goes to Tina Fey, but Ricky is definitely in the running.

Friday, December 24, 2010

merry christmas from widows on the dock

Oh hey, it's almost Christmas. Maybe I should acknowledge that.

My gift to you this year is a helpful list of things you can do to turn your "holiday" into a "loliday":

-drink alcohol
-buy shit for other people
-make your guests sit down and watch your favorite movie when they come over
-feed the dog alcohol
-feed the baby alcohol
-record yourself smoking salvia and put it on youtube for all your friends to see! :)
-tell people what you really think of them
-punch your mother in law in the face
-reminisce with your friends about the time you all went to this sick night club on Elbow Drive, and get violently angry when they tell you that there is no such night club on Elbow Drive, and that you must've dreamed it
-kiss everybody
-football tackle the christmas tree
-get really offended when someone says "happy holidays"
-scream randomly
-get 'a wonderful christmas time' by paul mccartney stuck in everybody's heads. THEY WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER FOR IT
-steal some bread. if you get caught, tell people that you're gonna give it to some starving children like a motherfucking modern day jean val jean
-go to the extreme with your emotions

If you try just one or all of these things, you should be LOLing in no time!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Somebody gave my parents a turducken for Christmas. In case you don't know what a turducken is, it is the result of a rare occurrence in nature where a duck eats a chicken, and is immediately eaten by a turkey afterwards. Apparently this is what it will look like when it's cooked:

The idea of the turducken makes me feel many things. I mean, I'm excited for the opportunity to try something new, I'm sad because 3 different animals died in order for this to happen, and I'm a little turned on because [insert sexual joke about getting stuffed twice followed by a rim shot]. Thank you thank you, I'll be here all week.

I consider myself to be an open minded person, so I'm going to try it. However, I just have so many freakin questions! Chicken and Turkey are delicious, but I've never had Duck before. What can I expect? What do we serve with it? Gravy? Mashed Potatoes? Do we need to put it in the oven longer than a regular turkey? And most importantly, can we deep fry it?

My biggest fear is that it will end up being so disgusting that it will turn me off of all 3 forms of poultry forever. How terrible would that be? Every major holiday would be so awkward! What would I eat? Seafood... I would eat seafood.

Anyway, I can't say that this type of anxiety is exactly new to me. A few Thanksgivings ago my dad deep fried a turkey for the first time. It looked like this:

It's probably my favorite way to eat turkey, just saying. So maybe turducken will become my new favorite thing too? Stay tuned....

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

mysteries of life: the hairdresser

So, I am hereby announcing the end of Dedication December. Things got too busy for me and I kind of fell out of the groove. But cry not dear friends, because I can now blog about other things!

Today I am going to talk about hairdressers. And the bizarre power they seem to hold over us.

I don't know about you, but every time I go to get my haircut, I generally have the same problem every time: I go in prepared to tell the hairdresser what I would like them to do with my hair, they nod in agreement and just do whatever the fuck they want to my hair anyway, and then I leave unsatisfied.

I don't get it! Is there some sort of Hairdressers Code that we don't know about? Is there a law clearly stating that hairdressers are allowed to veto their customer's suggestions in the Bill of Rights somewhere? Why don't more people know about this? Or do they simply relish the brief but important power they hold over us when we're sitting in their chair while they're holding scissors/razors near our necks?

Are they under the impression that we will despise the hairstyle that we asked for, throw a fit, knock some chairs over, and walk out refusing to pay? Because really, heaven forbid they give us what we asked for!

I'm not speaking to you in code, when I tell you the following, I mean exactly this:
-When I say I want blond highlights, I don't mean red highlights.
-When I say I want to trim the split ends, I don't mean take 6 inches off.
-When I say straighten it, I don't mean curl the ends out.

That's not to say that all hairdressers will ignore every single one of your requests... I have had a few lovely stylists that gave me exactly what I wanted. But sadly just a few...

Monday, December 20, 2010

Dedication December: AC38

I'm happy to announce that Widows on the Dock is back in business! Dedication December will resume as planned.

These are the majority of my film school friends (I'm in there somewhere too):

So we graduated last week! Anyone who's still in post secondary should probably be jealous. Not simply because we have finished school, but also because they've completely missed out on knowing us as a collective group.

These are some of the most inspiring and supportive people I've ever met. They have helped me in ways they may never even know, and I'm going to miss them so much! But I will see them again one day!

I suggest you keep an eye on these people. A stalkful eye. Just kidding, don't do that, only I may stalk them. ANYWAY, these people are going to be crazy successful, I just know it!

Class 38, I love you and wish you all the best in your lives. Thank you all for being a part of my life for the last 12-16 months.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

heads up 7up... is a bitchin' game

Just a heads up to all of my lovely fans out there! Aka my school friends and people who stalk me but aren't willing to admit it.

I haven't forgotten about Dedication December, and I plan to get back to it ASAP (as soon as possible). These days are a very busy time for me as I am graduating film school and relocating back to Calgary all within this week. Thank you for your understanding during this time of inconvenience.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Dedication December: Holly

This is me and my friend Holly circa 2007:

I love her a lot. She always leaves long and rambling messages on people's facebook walls and they are always entertaining. Oh, and you know how people write on your wall on your birthday and are always leave generic birthday wishes? Well Holly is one of the few people who will customize her birthday greeting for her and that's pretty amazing. Always going above and beyond!

So one time, me and Holly dressed up as snakes and sang the song "Trust In Me" from The Jungle Book. Holly was cool enough to wear her snake costume to school, and I was gonna too but I chickened out. I mean, you can probably guess that I'm pretty shameless, so the fact that she still wore the costume when I didn't is freakin intense.

So yeah, basically, Holly is the life of the party. I love it when she lets me visit her at school and when we sit at Wendy's and people watch and feel sad for amputees. She is also among the handful of people I am excited about seeing this holiday season. I just referred to my friends as a "handful of people". I think I'm like, 45 years old right now.

Anyway, Holly is the best, and Dion Phaneuf is not the best and that is the end of that story.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Dedication December: Kathryn

This is my friend Kathryn:

Kathryn is the coolest! She's so freakin talented at everything that you ordinarily would hate her, but she's too great of a person to dislike. You can try to dislike her, but you will fail.

My favorite memories of Kathryn are when we just drive around the country roads eating candy and singing along to our ipods and laughing until we cry. That sounds like something out of a Bryan Adams song, but I swear, that's what we do!

I also like it when she tells stories, because she's so good at it! And she's so effing clever and witty.

One time, we wanted to be pretentious, so we drank wine and watched Mad Men. Then I got too drunk to drive home, so I spent the night at her place. Good times!

I haven't seen Kathryn since like... August. But I get to see her soon and I don't think you can comprehend how excited I am about that! Ahh she just makes my life so much better!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Dedication December: Jaymie

This is me and my friend Jaymie:

One thing you should know about Jaymie is that's a total sweetheart. But watch out, because she's super powerful too!

If you like me, you'll probably like Jaymie because we have a lot in common. Like, we're both from Calgary, and we have brown eyes, and in case you can't tell from the picture above, red noses.

Jaymie has many talents. She can sing and act and she can even dance! She's also really funny and caring. Like, she makes me popcorn sometimes and sings along to the music on commercials when we watch TV. Yeah, she's that awesome!

I've mentioned that I'm not entirely stoked on going back to Calgary, but I'm happy that Jaymie is coming back to Calgary with me! I hope we get to hang out lots and that our parents can become friends and we can go on vacations together! But as if that'll ever happen... my parents suck at vacations.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Dedication December: Colton

This is me and my friend Colton:

This picture is from the day Colton dressed like a lumberjack. He doesn't usually look like this, so everyone freaked out.

Colton is pretty chill. He's pretty easy going and he's really trustworthy. If you are adding to your roster of friends and considering Colton, you should use this post as a reference. You can talk to Colton about just about anything. He's also hilarious. He makes really funny jokes and we always come up with humorous hypothetical situations. Oh, and if you ever need a lunch buddy, look no further! Colton's usually down for anything. And he really likes to celebrate the holidays, which is always fun!

Colton used to be a really bad driver. That may or may not still be true since I haven't been in a car with him behind the wheel since like... 2007. But that's really the only flaw he has!

So yeah, I think it's safe to say that everyone needs at least one ginger kid in their life. If you don't have one, give Colton a try!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Dedication December: Jaclyn

This is my friend Jaclyn:

Such a babe, hey? It's not even funny. ANYWAY! I've known Jaclyn for... 12 years? Maybe more? Way to date myself.

I love Jaclyn because we always have a good time when we're together. She's always down for a party or going for drinks on a patio in the summer or driving around listening to music and making fun of the people we mutually dislike and sometimes we even wonder about the people we went to elementary school with who disappeared. P.S. If you went to Good Shepherd School in Okotoks, Alberta between the years 1996-2003 and left during that time, what happened to youuuuuuuu?

So me and Jaclyn have been friends for a really long time. In grade 6 we were obsessed with Prozzak and baked cookies that turned out horrible and had sleepovers all the time. And in grade 8 we were obsessed with Lord of the Rings. It was awesome at the time, and a little embarrassing now. Just kidding, it's still awesome now.

Not gonna lie, I'm not really stoked on moving back to Calgary this month, but knowing that her and I will be reunited makes it a little more bearable.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Dedication December: Dave

This is my friend Dave:

Not gonna lie, when I first met Dave, I thought he was creepy. And you know what? He is creepy! Creepy like a fox! But as I discovered this year, I am also creepy so we're pretty much a match made in heaven.

You will never meet anyone like Dave ever. I can guarantee that. He has this way of saying things that aren't really funny, only... he makes them funny. I can't really explain it. Just looking at his face makes me smile and some days I legit have a crush on him.

If you ever need a friend to sing songs with, Dave is your guy. And he always helps me when I volunteer to work the camera at school. I don't know why I keep volunteering... I don't know how it works and I just get Dave to do it for me. But that's the kind of guy he is... willing to do other people's work.

AND OH MY GOSH! One time, our class went to this costume/fabric store to find stuff for a project, and we found a mask that looks almost exactly like Dave. Like... it was incredible. I'm so sad that I don't have a picture of it that I could post.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Dedication December: Giselle

This is my friend Giselle (and me!):

So one thing you should know about Giselle is that she's a very talented writer. Like, people say that I'm a good writer, but she really puts me to shame. You should read her short stories sometime, they're awesome.

She also has a pretty sick sense of fashion. For reals, if you ever need a shopping partner, look no further. She's super honest and not afraid to tell you if she thinks something doesn't look good on you, but she doesn't make you feel like an ugly piece of shit while doing so. It's a perfect balance.

Oh yeah, and Giselle is also a really good listener. You can tell because she gives really good advice. Like, I rarely ever take the advice that people give me because it usually sucks, but her advice is something I actually consider. So... yeah.

You should probably all be jealous of her. And me, because I know her.

Also, you can check out Giselle's blog at

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Dedication December: Deon

Okay folks, so here's the thing. It's officially the season of giving, and I am in the predicament that most students find themselves in at this time of year... that predicament being that I have no money. So to remedy this, I've come up with "Dedication December", in which I write a blog post about a person in my life and pass it off as a Christmas present for them. It's just a simple and easy way for me to show you that I care about you this holiday season. Unless you're my immediate family... in which case you'll probably be getting a homemade card made out of construction paper and glitter.

This is me and my friend Deon:

Deon is one of my favorite people ever! Which is a pretty huge thing for me because he's from Saskatchewan and I hate people from there. Just kidding, Saskatchewanians are pretty great!

So I've known Deon for almost a year now, and it's been really exciting to watch him grow as an actor! He's probably the only guy I know that can play a bitchy high school girl and do a really good job at it. So suck on that!

I also love Deon because we can hang out and laugh at the most random things to the point of tears. People sometimes refer to us as "two peas in a pod" and I think they're right about that. We can also have long serious talks when the occasion calls for it. We definitely dig each other's senses of humor and it works out really well for us.

I can't really decide what my favorite Deon memory is. There are just way too many! But maybe it was the time I had to convince him that he was the greatest director in the theatre, and he was like, "THE THEATUH THE THEATUH!" ...yep, that was pretty great. Love you Deon!