Monday, August 22, 2011

people i irrationally hate: christine magee

I try to not hate people who have not given me any physical reason to dislike them so immensely, but every now and then someone in the public eye irritates me to the point where a chance meeting with them would at the very most send me to prison and at the very least end up with a restraining order against me. Today's victim is Christine Magee, best known for being the face of Sleep Country.

I don't know exactly what it is about her that makes me fly into a rage that could rival Gordan Ramsay's (UGH I LOVE THAT MAN... but more on that at another time). Maybe it's that I'm jealous of her success as a woman in the business world? No, that can't be it.

Just kidding, I know exactly why I hate her! Because she's in every Sleep Country commercial, walking around and celebrating everything about her store like it's the best shit you've ever seen. What, you say that the Sleep Country delivery men wear booties over their shoes when carrying your new mattress into your home to prevent dirt from being dragged in? Wow Christine Magee, that is so novel! That's totally and completely worth mentioning in your commercials! Oh, but the thing that's got me guzzling the haterade on this woman the most is that not too long ago I heard a radio commercial where she was like, "We will price match ANY competitor! Even ones that are going out of business!" What a fucking heartless bitch.

I'm am publicly declaring that I will never, under no circumstances ever going to purchase from Sleep Country while she is still the spokesperson. And also while they still have that theme song that belongs in a 1970's sitcom somewhere, like what the fuck is that shit? "Why buy a mattress anywhere else?" Because I don't want to deal with fucking Christine Magee telling me that I'll save money if I mix and match my mattress and box spring before Tuesday night at 9. I know that you can't tell that they don't match once you put your sheets on, but you know what Christine Magee? I'll know, and that's all that matters.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

biggest career goal

People often ask me, "Sar-ah, what's your biggest dream as an actor?" Most people would say something like, "to write, direct and star in my own film" or "to work with Meryl Streep or Johnny Depp". While those would be great things to do, my biggest dream is to star in a raucous (FYI I love things that are described as "raucous") teen comedy where every character wants to lose their virginity by the end of high school.

Just like American Pie, only it would be better cause I'd be in it! I'm not sure what the plot of American Pie a la Sarah (ahaaaaaaaa see what I did there!?), would entail. Maybe it'd be like She's All That where I play a nerdy but secretly hot girl and this mega babe of a boy (Zac Efron possibly?!) plays this guy who makes a bet with his friends to turn me into a total smokeshow by pretending to be interested in me! And then right before the prom I discover his disgusting motives and decide to have nothing to do with him. But then, oh no! He's fallen in love with me and has to win me back! Insert a scene of Zac Efron emotionally apologizing to me for what he did in front of the whole school at prom and then BAM! A lackluster sex scene, followed by us going our separate ways to college. Oh yeah, we can also add a bitchy cheerleader who hates me because Zac Efron was dating her before he decided that I was better.

Or you know what? Maybe I'm just this normal girl who has a crush on the captain of the football team (again Zac Efron), and I spend all of senior year trying to get him to ask me to prom, and then he does! omg! But right after prom I find out that he's a total jerk who only asked me cause he felt sorry for me or he was trying to hide the fact that he's gay or some bullshit like that, and then I discover that I'm really in love with my best friend who lives next door (played by Elijah Wood... he can still pass for high school age, right?) who has conveniently for me been in love with me ever since he met me! Ahhhh this movie rocks!

Either one of these two scenarios would be fine for me! I'll definitely let you know when production on these projects start!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

top 5 things to do when you're sad

Okay, so sometimes we get sad. Don't worry, that's a natural part of life! Fortunately, I have a few things that make me feel better when I get the blues and am willing to share them with you!

1. Troll Yahoo Answers

Some people ask a lot of dumb shit through yahoo answers, and it is awesome. Especially when you need something to help you smile.

2. Get cozy
I love getting all snuggled into my blankets when I'm upset. It's hard to feel sad when you're so warm and comfortable! Cool factoid about this picture: It's from Facebook. Yes that's right, Facebook photos are coming up on arbitrary google searches. Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wives...

3. Look at pictures of babely babes
Whenever I want to get my mind off of something unpleasant, I do a quick google image search of my favorite hotties. Works 9/10 times. I like to look at pictures of Zac Efron, but you can stalk whomever you want! It's really that easy!

4. Look at pictures of cute baby animals

Do I really have to explain this?

5. Take your feelings out on someone who doesn't deserve it in the slightest

I only recommend this one if you want to be a complete asshole. I'm not saying you should bully people, but it is possible to turn someone else's misery into your joy. That's all I'm saying.