Saturday, February 26, 2011


Holy smokes you guys! In less than 24 hours my last post got 34 hits! That's like, 32 more hits than I expected it would get! So, either you guys really approve of my new crush, or someone got really jealous and stalked that post all night. Not gonna lie, I kind of hope it's the latter, because that was my intention the whole time. If that's the case, Dear Stephen, you might be in danger, my bad. Love Sarah.

One of the worst things ever happened today. I was putting on eyeliner, and I dropped it into my sink with the lid off of it so there were some black spots in my sink. So I grabbed some tissues and got them a little wet, and tried to wipe the spots off of my sink only to find that it was just smudging and becoming an even bigger mess. So now I have big black smears in my sink and I don't know what to do about it. Like, I know I could get some bathroom cleaner or something, but if my parents catch me finding cleaning supplies, they might die of shock. I don't want that on my conscience guys! But for now this story has a happy ending... I threw out the rest of the eyeliner, but then I found two new eyeliners in one of my drawers! Buzz!

Then I went to Chapters with my friend Nikki. I kind of want to buy an e-reader. And when I say kind of, I really mean I definitely want to. But I don't have a job so it's not a sensible purchase right now. And like, which e-reader is the best? Should I just get an iPad? Should I buy every Apple product ever released? I have so many questions regarding this matter!

Friday, February 25, 2011

new crush alert!

This week was a little bit rough for me and I figured the only thing that could cheer me up was to find a new crush! I spent all week trying to figure out which man could fill the void in my life, and I'm happy to say that I've found him! I just saw the movie Hall Pass (which is HILARIOUS btw! You get to see penis in it so I feel like I just had a really awesome date!) and he's in it and he's super adorbs. The one and only Stephen Merchant!

So here's the lowdown: He's British and hilarious and he's super tall. Like, I wanna hang out with him in public because he's like twice my size and people would think that was weird but we could just act like shit don't phase. Plus he's friends with Ricky Gervais which can only be a good thing because then the three of us can all hang out and make fun of celebrities and have hot threesomes maybe. And he's only 16 years older than me! We're practically the same age!

And look ladies, straight teeth! It's totally possible.

Dear Stephen, if you're reading this... I realize that if we actually meet one day it's probably going to be really awkward all because of this post. I am totally and completely willing to accept that. Love, Sarah.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

beauty tips! with sarah

So... I'm not really down for telling people what products to buy, but since I have nothing else of significance to discuss in my blog these days, and also because some of my friends want to know how I manage to look like a total babe all the time, I thought I'd share my daily beauty routines with the world. Keep in mind that I'm always switching up the products I use because well... I get bored and I'm always wondering if something else will work better for me. But these are what I'm using lately:

If I'm not showering in the morning (I on average shower every 2nd day), I start off with using Clean & Clear Morning Burst. It makes my skin feel clean and I like it. Oh, and if I am showering that day, I start my skin routine after I get out of the shower.
Then I apply some of LUSH's Skin Drink. I find that as a moisturizer, it's a bit heavy for my skin type, but it's a good moisturizer to use for transitioning when you've moved somewhere with a different climate. Next time I'll get something lighter, but this works for me right meow. And after I've moisturized my face, I put some Vaseline (not pictured, because everyone should have Vaseline in their homes in my world) on my lips to help them feel moisturized and to keep them from getting chapped. Some people think that's weird, but they can get over it. It works. You are now ready to apply your makeup, if you're going to wear any. I'm not gonna recommend certain brands though.
At night time, I quickly wipe my face with some of Clean & Clear's Deep Cleaning Astringent to get rid of dirt, makeup (but not so much eye makeup), or any oily buildups on my face. Then I put on some more Vaseline and hop into bed!
This is the shampoo and conditioner I use. Out of all the other types I've tried, Herbal Essences' Hello Hydration works the best at preventing tangles and keeping my hair from drying out. That's saying a lot because I currently have coloured hair. I've used brands that were specially formulated for dyed hair and they didn't work half as good as this one does.

Once I'm out of the shower, I put a little bit of Fructis' Sleek and Shine in my hair, just to keep the frizz down. It also comes in a gel, but I prefer the cream.
Okay... secret time: My hair isn't naturally curly. But it is wavy, and I can totally fool you by spraying in a little bit of Fructis' Curls & Shine! All you do is spray it into your hair, and scrunch it up as desired. Some days I do this, some days I don't.
Back to showering... this is what I'm currently using as shower gel. LUSH's Iced Wine Shower Jelly is really fun and it smells great. I'm pretty sure it's only available seasonally though, but LUSH has some other great shower jellies you can use all year.

Last but certainly not least, I slather on some of LUSH's Vanilla Dee-Lite onto my skin to keep my skin feeling moisturized and smelling good. It might just be my favorite LUSH product ever made.

A side note about certain LUSH products: LUSH is a company that takes pride in leaving a small ecological footprint, and they encourage their customers to do the same. If you bring back 5 black pots (ie. the containers that the moisturizers and shower jellies come in), you will receive a free facial mask! Just another reason why I love LUSH!

Well this was a nice way to kill an hour. I hope this entry vaguely piqued your interest. I feel like Brenda Dickson right now.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

tribute to snacks of the 90's!

Let's get into my time machine and remember some of the great snacks the 90's had to offer. Ahh, the 90's, a simpler time. Remember when your parents bought this stuff and put it in your lunch box everyday? Before they realized they were pretty much feeding you fruit flavored plastic? I haven't seen these in grocery stores for a while, but then again, I'm blowing my food budget on Alphagetti.

90's snack food, I salute you. But perhaps it's best if you're left in the past. These types of things are never as good as you remember them.

Thursday, February 17, 2011


Oh my God, Loveline. I may be obsessed. In case you don't know what Loveline is (and in that case, you are sadly missing out), it's a call-in radio show based in LA hosted by Dr. Drew Pinsky (meow!) and currently co-hosted by Mike Catherwood aka Psycho Mike. And by some form of miracle, it's syndicated live to an alternative radio station in my hometown every Sunday-Thursday at 11 pm. That may or may not be enough proof to convince me that there is a God.

At first I listened to Loveline as a sleep aid. And for that reason, I can only listen to the show while I'm in bed reading or on my laptop. I hate listening to it in other places like my car. If I'm out late on a weeknight, I'll seriously haul ass home so I can get home in time for Loveline.

I don't even know why I like it so much! But some guy can call in and be like, "my penis fell off! What should I do?" and even though I will probably never, ever have that happen to me, I still have to know what I should do. And sometimes they get celebrity guests who are really funny and awesome, like Seth MacFarlane comes in sometimes and does Family Guy character voices and answers the question "Does the rest of the family understand the baby?" 40 times per night.

I can only hope that one day, not too long from now, I can become famous enough to be asked to be a guest on Loveline. And only then I will be able to see "The Stinky Pinky Song" performed live. It's nice to have dreams.

So Loveline, I salute you. May you continue to answer North America's sexual questions for many more years to come. And if you're interested in calling into Loveline, the number is 1-800-LOVE-191. I didn't look that up, I have it memorized. That's how obsessed I am.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

my dog is a creepy bitch

My oldest dog is starting to creep me out hardcore.

Just look at her, squinting like a suspicious character.

Sometimes I catch her peering around corners and shifting her eyes. I'm not making this up! She lurks in hallways, watching. Always watching. I wouldn't be surprised if she killed me one day.

Like last night, I was sleeping. Then I woke up for a minute, AND SHE WAS STARING AT ME! How did she get on my bed without me noticing? And then she just sat on bed, looking out the window and barking at nothing.

She's clearly planning something, and I've been a fool for not paying more attention to her odd behavior. But not anymore! I will get to the bottom of this, mark my words.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

my baby!

It's really no secret that it's one of my dreams to own a teacup pig one day.

What can I say? Some people dream about getting married and having kids, but I dream about owning a pig.

I don't think you understand; this pig will be my child. I will wake up at all hours through the night and sit on a rocking chair with it when it's upset and can't sleep. I will bottle feed it as a baby (only because breast feeding wouldn't be possible), and scoop its litter box everyday (bet you didn't know that pigs can be taught to use a litter box!).

You know what else I'll do? Get it professionally photographed every chance I get. I'll make it wear cute costumes every Halloween. Costumes like "the piggy that went to the market" and "Babe" from the movie Babe. I'm pretty much crying and shaking now, because I'm so excited.

I will lie on the couch and pig out (ha!) and watch chick flicks with it when it gets its heart broken for the first time. I'm gonna be the best freakin parent ever! And maybe, if I'm lucky, it'll give me grandpiglets one day! Then we can all live together in my giant house forever like an Italian family.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

valentine's day

Oh my God you guys! Valentine's Day 2011 is going to be the best Valentine's day ever, because I actually have a Valentine! And she's not a random stranger! You may know her as Kirsten.

This is me and Kirsten at grad. Double babe alert, am I right?

Sadly, a provincial border is keeping us apart, so we won't physically be seeing each other this coming Monday, but we're still Valentines, and that just makes me even more excited for when I can see her next! I can't wait! We're gonna hug and cuddle and maybe make out a little? And maybe we can be Valentines next year and go all the way ... to Whistler for the weekend.

I hope that all my widows out there have a Happy Valentine's Day!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

some exciting news

So, I've kind of been keeping this a secret, and it's been ridiculously hard for me because I suck at keeping secrets, but now I can proudly announce that my production company will be putting on a live sketch comedy show on April 15th!

And who is going to be hosting/producing/writing/directing this event? Why, yours truly of course! Along with the help of some very talented people whom I love very much. I'm probably going to slip into a coma afterwards, but it'll be worth it, so don't worry!

If you're going to be in town (Okotoks), you should definitely check us out. I'll be posting more details as we get closer to the show.

And if you wanna be involved, and if I like you, you should get into contact with us.

So yeah, that's what I've been up to lately. It's been kind of nice to spend time doing something other than puking and hating on celery.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

growing up in the 90's

Life wasn't always easy for us 90's kids. We had to deal with the sadness of Full House ending. We were there when Kurt Cobain killed himself. We also felt the pain when Ginger Spice left the Spice Girls. But what plagued our childhoods the most was a very simple, but hard hitting question -

Which starter pokemon do I pick?

"NO!" My mother would cry, "You are too young to be making these kinds of decisions! Whatever you choose will affect you for the rest of your life!"

Haunting words indeed. It's a shame that they weren't actually said. But that didn't make the choice any easier to make. Fortunately, I am here to solve the 15 year debate.

Now opening the case of Bulbasaur vs. Charmander vs. Squirtle.

First of all, Bulbasaur is eliminated from the equation. Bulbasaur is good at getting the player started, but is not a very good choice for the long run. I mean, it eventually evolves into Venusaur, and what's so great about it? It's a herbivore dinosaur with a flower on it's back. Oooh, I'm so scared! So yeah, don't pick Bulbasaur. Babies pick Bulbasaur.

So that really only leaves Squirtle and Charmander. Both of them are very good choices, but Charmander has a tiny edge over Squirtle. I mean, Squirtle is probably the best pokemon to get you through the game, but Charmander has more power. I think this is because Charmander struggles with the first couple of gym leaders in the game, therefore causing it to become super powerful later.

Let's think back to our school days. The debates would end immediately after someone said, "I have a Charizard." Believe me, you do not want to mess with a fire breathing dragon. And when it comes to the Elite Four, it was the best if Charizard was on your side. It gave you a much smaller chance of a struggle.

If you're still not convinced, think of it this way; how many other strong Fire-type Pokemon do you encounter in the game? Not many...

If you're ever playing the original games and wondering which starter to pick, think back to this post and... I know you'll make the right choice.

Yep, I just blogged about Pokemon.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

now accepting valentine applications

Are you dying to be my Valentine this year? Well you're in luck, because I am looking for one! Just send me your answers to the following questions:

1. What is your name?
2. What position are you applying for?
_ Full Time _ Part Time
3. Are you legally eligible to work in Canada?
4. Have you ever been convicted of a crime in which you have not been pardoned?
5. Are you a smoker?
6. What is your availability:
7. What do we have in common?
8. Why do you want to be my Valentine?
9. What kind of hobbies do you have, if any?
10. Valentine History:
Please give a brief summary about your history as a past Valentine:

11. Valentine References:
Please leave past Valentine contact information here.

Signature____________________________ Date: ________________

Sarah thanks all applicants for their interest, however, only applicants that are being considered will be contacted.