Tuesday, March 8, 2011

biggest buzzkill awards

This past weekend, I had the rare pleasure of stumbling upon The Magic School Bus on TV. I was so happy to find this gem from the 90's that I got up from my couch and did a little 90's dance (aka the Macarena... JK I didn't actually dance. But I felt like it. You get the point). I have never experienced such joy in my life. But sadly, my glee was short lived, all because some orange haired fucker opened up his big mouth and said, "please let this be a normal field trip!"

I was then reminded of how much I hate Arnold.

First of all Arnold, what exactly do you have to whine about? There's like, how many kids in your class? 8? Do you know how lucky you are to have that kind of education? You're going to be so smart when you grow up! Did you ever stop and think that maybe your class goes on so many field trips because the school can actually afford to send all of you into space? Didn't think so. Really Arnold. If you hate it so much, I'm sure you can easily transfer to Phoebe's old school. Nobody would miss you.

And Arnold, do you know how many kids would kill to have field trips every day? Seriously, who the fuck likes to learn about things by sitting in desks and listening to teachers talk all day? When I was a kid, I was stuck inside a classroom all day long watching you when you were taking field trips into space or a volcano or Dorothy Ann's textbook. Your life isn't that bad, so shut up.

You know what pisses me off the most? You're in what, third grade? And taking field trips into Ralphie's knee? You know where I went on a field trip in grade 3? Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump. AND THE BUS BROKE DOWN ON THE WAY HOME! So stop complaining about your awesome school life.

I hope Arnold grew up to be miserable. He was probably the kid who brought 70 inhalers to sleep away camp for the weekend and wore a nose plug in the pool. He probably brought his cousin Janet to prom cause nobody else would go with him. And he's probably a really successful accountant or lawyer, but his wife who looks just like him (Janet again, possibly?) left him for the traveling door-to-door vacuum salesman. Bottom line, everyone else in his class probably wins at life, and he loses. And for that, he wins a Biggest Buzzkill Award.

It should be stated though, the voice actor who portrays Arnold is Danny Tamberelli, known from the awesomeness that is the show The Adventures of Pete and Pete and Nickelodeon's All That.


  1. OMG, Arnold! I think the thing that annoyed me more than Arnold's whining was Miss Frizzle saying, "As I always say..." and then the saying she would quote was something she never fucking said!

  2. That's true, she always did claim to say random things that she never actually said. But at least she didn't run around trying to bring down the mood all the time!