gotta get down on fried eggs

Apparently I've been too focused on the situation in Japan lately, because I had no idea that this video existed until yesterday. I'm of course talking about the musical masterpiece known as "Friday" by 13 year old Rebecca Black.

At first, I didn't understand what the hate on this video was all about. I thought that she and a group of her friends had written and recorded the song themselves, and filmed a video for it all on their own. I was impressed that a group of 13 year olds could produce something that looked so professional. But then I found out that an actual record label invested money into this production and now all I can do is facepalm.

The record label Rebecca Black has signed with is known as "Ark Music Factory" (more like "Evil Music Factory" AMIRIGHT AMIRIGHT?)- a label who evidently casts young talent to record their songs. But not without the help of auto tune! Which is a shame, because these young kids probably do have some amount of legit talent.

I just don't understand the process. Do these song writers actually get paid for shit like this? Do the executives get to see the finished product before it is released? And if so, do they actually watch it and go "WE'VE GOT THE NEXT BIG HIT ON OUR HANDS!" I mean, they probably think they're helping these kids' careers but honestly... who would pay money to see Rebecca Black sing "Friday" live? Anyone? Bueller... Bueller? Didn't think so. And what exactly is the target audience they're trying to cater to? I think I would've felt that my intelligence was being insulted if this song came out when I was a child.

If you think you can stomach it, check out some of the other talent on Ark Music Factory's roster.

And you thought Justin Bieber was annoying? But I can't in good conscience bash these kids for doing what they love to do, so maybe this is one of those rare times where we should "hate the game, not the player".

how did this happen?

This song is on the the first Pokemon Movie's soundtrack. WHY?

in the news: stupid people

So, in case you've been living under a rock, a huge earthquake shook up Japan this past Friday and resulted in a tsunami. They're expecting over 10 000 casualties. And this is more than a big deal. So you should all do something to help. I don't care how broke-ass poor you are, the Japanese need your $5 more than you do.

In Canada: Text "REDCROSS" to 30333 to make a $5 donation.

If you're one of my few and cherished American readers, Text "REDCROSS" to 90999 to make a $10 donation.

You may be wondering why the title of this post is "in the news: stupid people". Well, today I'm just about ready to give up on humanity. HERE'S WHY!

This morning I check www.perezhilton.com to read up on all of my Hollywood gossip, and I see he's made a post about this girl. I'm not going to say whether I agree or disagree with what this girl is saying, but did she really find it necessary to call out a specific group of people? Literally everyone that I know has had an experience with someone being too loud in a library, but not once have they ever pointed out a specific race as the target of their frustration. Instead of alienating Asians, couldn't she have said something like, "I find it really annoying when people are loud in libraries when I'm trying to study." Because I'm pretty sure that not only Asians abuse libraries.

Then I see that he's posted a video from God's little messenger. I don't even know what to say in response to that other than... "LOL WUT?" And you know what? I'm not even an atheist and I think she's ridiculous. People are entitled to be as religious or non religious as they want, but this girl is basically saying "I AM DELIGHTED THAT SO MANY PEOPLE DIED!" And that's pretty insensitive.

OH AND THEN! He gives stand up comedian Gilbert Gottfried some attention for posting tasteless jokes about Japan on his twitter. I get it, sometimes when we're struck by tragedy we don't know the right words to say, so we make an awful joke about the situation to try to ease the tension. I get the point of shock humor, but to make these jokes on a public forum such as twitter merely days after thousands of people have lost their lives? Not okay, Gilbert. If you simply must tell these kinds of jokes, maybe consider doing them in private so you don't offend the entire world next time? Yeah? Maybe? Please?

And Perez, WHY ARE YOU GIVING THESE PEOPLE ATTENTION?

Oh and you know what else is upsetting? The State of Georgia is hoping to pass a law that would allow women who have miscarriages to receive the DEATH PENALTY. Because, you know, miscarriages are just free abortions! Everyone who has one CLEARLY didn't want to be pregnant to begin with, right?

This is beyond frightening, people! It's 2011, and we're supposed to be progressing in order to achieve a happier and healthier world for our children. How are we expected to even have children if we can be punished by death for miscarrying? If everyone in the world was enrolled in the University of Creating A Better Future right now, I think we'd all be flunking.

I think everybody owes everybody an apology. I think we need to all take a long LUSH bubble bath and decompress. I think we all need to cool off and maybe have a good night's sleep. And when we wake up, let's have a group hug and help Japan rebuild itself. Let's solve one problem at a time and we'll all feel better.

I feel better already.

blind people

When I was little, I used to think that blind people had no eyeballs, and that they wore sunglasses because they didn't want to scare people with their eyeball-socket faces.

Of course, in my adult life I realize that my childhood notion is completely ridiculous, but I can't help but wonder what Stevie Wonder's got going on under those shades.

biggest buzzkill awards

This past weekend, I had the rare pleasure of stumbling upon The Magic School Bus on TV. I was so happy to find this gem from the 90's that I got up from my couch and did a little 90's dance (aka the Macarena... JK I didn't actually dance. But I felt like it. You get the point). I have never experienced such joy in my life. But sadly, my glee was short lived, all because some orange haired fucker opened up his big mouth and said, "please let this be a normal field trip!"

I was then reminded of how much I hate Arnold.

First of all Arnold, what exactly do you have to whine about? There's like, how many kids in your class? 8? Do you know how lucky you are to have that kind of education? You're going to be so smart when you grow up! Did you ever stop and think that maybe your class goes on so many field trips because the school can actually afford to send all of you into space? Didn't think so. Really Arnold. If you hate it so much, I'm sure you can easily transfer to Phoebe's old school. Nobody would miss you.

And Arnold, do you know how many kids would kill to have field trips every day? Seriously, who the fuck likes to learn about things by sitting in desks and listening to teachers talk all day? When I was a kid, I was stuck inside a classroom all day long watching you when you were taking field trips into space or a volcano or Dorothy Ann's textbook. Your life isn't that bad, so shut up.

You know what pisses me off the most? You're in what, third grade? And taking field trips into Ralphie's knee? You know where I went on a field trip in grade 3? Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump. AND THE BUS BROKE DOWN ON THE WAY HOME! So stop complaining about your awesome school life.

I hope Arnold grew up to be miserable. He was probably the kid who brought 70 inhalers to sleep away camp for the weekend and wore a nose plug in the pool. He probably brought his cousin Janet to prom cause nobody else would go with him. And he's probably a really successful accountant or lawyer, but his wife who looks just like him (Janet again, possibly?) left him for the traveling door-to-door vacuum salesman. Bottom line, everyone else in his class probably wins at life, and he loses. And for that, he wins a Biggest Buzzkill Award.

It should be stated though, the voice actor who portrays Arnold is Danny Tamberelli, known from the awesomeness that is the show The Adventures of Pete and Pete and Nickelodeon's All That.

time is such a buzzkill

Charlie Sheen is literally everywhere lately! And he's so wacky I can hardly stand it! But I'm not gonna lie, I'd be more impressed with all of his antics if he still looked like this:

But unfortunately, he looks like this now:

If I could ask Charlie Sheen anything, it'd be:

-Do people refer to your brother as "EMILIOOOOOOOO" in front of you? How does it make you feel?

-Why haven't you changed your hair style in the past 20 years?

-Why are you always frowning at me!? :(

-I want to be "winning!" too! How do I achieve this?

-I heard a rumor that Jon Cryer paints his hair on everyday. Is this true?

-Have you ever punched the kid from your show in the face? If not, you probably should consider it...

Anyway... I hope you keep on "winning", Charlie. Don't exhaust yourself!

wisdom teeth: in memoriam

Today marks a very important day in the history of me. One year ago today, I had my first surgery ever: wisdom teeth removal. It was a relatively simple process... I remember going in really hungry, and leaving the dentist's office really sleepy. I figured that I might never have something like this ever happen in my life again, so I took pictures of my first few days of recovery for nostalgia purposes.

This was the day of the surgery. I'm trying REALLY hard to smile in this picture... it was hard. ALSO I was very confused in this picture because the anesthetic was wearing off during my surgery so I started freaking out and this dental assistant kept telling me that I was doing really well and that when I have a baby the pain will not be as bad then as it is now?!? Pretty sure that's a lie. Now I want to have a baby just to see if she was right.

Day 2! Not even gonna bother smiling.

Day 3. My chin looks weird. But on the other hand, where is that shirt? I want to wear it today.

I think this was day 4. I must've gone out that day cause I made the effort to put on some eyeliner.

Is this day 5? I'm wearing the same shirt as day 4... but that wouldn't surprise me cause I'm kind of dirty sometimes. You can totally see the bruise on my face but... my hair has never been straighter. So... kudos me, this is a great picture!

So yeah... these are my post-wisdom teeth pictures. The only ones ever taken. Seriously, there haven't been any pictures of me taken since then. Weird right?