conspiracy!

You know what's right messed up? I have now gotten food poisoning TWICE in the past 2 months from seafood. And let's be clear here, I know in the past I've said that I'm an advocate for puking, but I should clarify that alcohol-induced vomiting is a lot more pleasant than food-induced vomiting. So what is going on with my body? I've narrowed it down to 3 theories:

1. Someone fucked up when preparing my food. This is probably the likeliest reason. It's probably just bad luck that it happened twice in such a short time frame.

2. I'm developing an allergy to seafood. Now I hope this isn't true because it would probably break my heart a little bit. I mean, chances are it's not true, because I have eaten plenty of seafood (even sushi!) in the time since the first incident to the second, and I've felt fine. And if I am allergic to seafood, I hope that it's specifically octopus. That shit's weird.

3. Someone is trying to kill me. A lot of people read this blog, I wouldn't be surprised if some people didn't have it out for me. But if this is true, how exciting for me! Maybe I should hire my own food tester and bodyguard! ... Except it would totally suck if my food tester and bodyguard were the people trying to kill me. That would happen, because my life is like that.

Either way, food poisoning totally sucks and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! Even though my worst enemy is actually celery, which is a food... which could cause food poisoning... wow.

You know what? I think I'm just gonna go to bed now...