Monday, April 4, 2011

biggest buzzkill awards

Don't you hate it when you find a really enjoyable show on television, but there's always one character that you absolutely can't stand? Let me introduce you to Randall Weems, the biggest buzzkill from one of the best shows of our childhood, Recess.

What was this kid's deal? He basically walked around the playground and spied on kids in case any shit went down. And if it did, he'd immediately report to Ms. Finster, who, looking back on the show now, reminds me of a certain third grade teacher we all had. But that's not important. What I'm trying to explain is that this little puke got his boners from ruining everyone else's fun, and if that's not a definition of a buzzkill, I don't know what is.

But you know what grinds my gears most about him? The fact that he wonders why he has no friends. Really Randall? Do I seriously have to explain it to you? Remember the time his dad (aka an animated Steve Buscemi) came to school and he had to beg the main Recess gang to pretend to be his friends? How pathetic! Could there be anything more embarrassing for everyone involved? Oh yeah, how about if Randall's dad found out that they were only pretending to be Randall's friend? Wait, that actually happened? Why am I not surprised?!

Also, when I was in elementary school, I got along with my teachers. But they weren't my friends. Randall has lunch with Ms. Finster everyday and that's kind of weird. And what's even weirder is that Ms. Finster doesn't encourage him to grow into a more social person. It kind of makes me wonder about the nature of their relationship... does Randall's mother know what's going on? If he gets off so much on snitching, why won't he tell anyone what's REALLY going on between him and his teacher? Think of the glory he would get for putting that sex offender behind bars!

Normally I'd speculate on what kind of person Randall would grow up to be, but I think we all know that he grew up to be Moe from The Simpsons. And it's no secret that Moe is miserable and lonely. So I'm okay with how Randall's life turned out.

And so, for being the biggest tattle-tale that TV land has ever seen, I am (un)happy to present the Biggest Buzzkill Award to Randall Weems. Douche.


  1. you should pretty much do every childhood show

  2. What Nikki said!!!