15

So I know I haven't posted in a while and that's pretty tragic. But tonight has seriously been the first time in a few days that I've actually had time to sit down and write something.

A few weeks ago I found this notebook I used to write in when I was like, 15 and I'd make all my friends read it. I guess it was my 2005 version of blogging? I will share some of it today. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I wrote this or the fact that I actually let people read it.

April 4, 2005

"I am a PRO-WRESTLER!"

April 5, 2005

"Mucous is a nasty word. Never name your kid Mucous."

"They lose at life, and I win."

"When I was 3, I pushed my brother down the stairs. It ruled."

Dateless

"Nobody that I know of has ever died from being told to fuck off."

April 6, 2005

"Have you ever said 'lol' in real life? I said 'rofl' out loud once. I was embarrassed. I burnt my face off because I was so ashamed. It grew back the next day."

"One time in band class, my teacher asked me to pick a number between 1 and 3, AND I SAID 4! AHHHH!"

April 7, 2005

"My goal in in life is to drastically change everyone's lives. And I'm on a roll today!"

April 12, 2005

"I've decided to shake up the salad of my life."

"I must confess that I'm Romeo's true love. Not Juliet. We met online and it was love at first email."

On a list of "Movies that Rock My World"

-Lord of the Rings (Epic Journey of Hope)

April 18, 2005

"PAPER WASTERS WILL BURN IN HELL!!"

April 19, 2005

"If good ideas were service hours, I'd be out of prison right now.

April 21, 2005 - On a list of "Things I Hate"

-Not knowing the difference between cheese and a white Smarties bar.

April 27, 2005

"All Bono cares about are poor children in other countries. What an asshole!"

April 29, 2005

"The funniest thing anyone has ever said to me: 'Oh, you're talking about your kids! I thought you were naming your tumors!'"

...I am so glad I grew out of this awkward phase.

umm okay

This entry goes out to my main girl, Tanaya.

So, facebook recently changed their messaging system, and basically, every message I've ever received and sent made its way back into my inbox. 3 years ago I received this message and totally forgot about it and its lulziness:

I was young and clearly wanted to take the high road so I didn't bother carrying the conversation further, but if I had gotten that message today, I'd probably respond with something like this:

Hey man, thanks for pointing out that my name is spelled wrong! Imagine: I went through 21 years of a misspelled name and nobody bothered to tell me! How embarrassing! Thank God for people like you who think that telling complete strangers on Facebook that their first names are improperly spelled is an appropriate thing to do! Most people probably wouldn't have that kind of courage! But _________, I'm a little confused. We've clearly established that my name is incorrectly spelled, but I must ask, how am I supposed to spell my name? I'm afraid that you didn't really specify.

Oh and ______, thank you for calling me "hott". There is nothing more flattering than being complimented by a stranger on the internet. And for the record, I'm not Serbian. In fact, I'm Croatian, and given the bad blood between our ethnic backgrounds, I'm afraid that our love will never be.

Thanks so much!

Sarah

or is it Sara?

Sarha?

I don't fucking know.

biggest buzzkill awards: babies on TV

I hate when I'm really into a show, and suddenly a character mentions that they're pregnant. I think it's weak writing and it's just so cliche and overdone and the baby eventually kills the show. I don't hate babies, but it's very rare for them to have an appropriate place on television. Here are 3 case studies of shows that were ruined by babies:

1. Friends

Think back to when this show was awesome. Then think back to when it started sucking. It was right after Rachel had the baby, wasn't it? The weirdest part of the whole thing was that the season featuring her pregnancy was really good, but after the birth episode... it just sucked. The pregnancy was made out to be this huge thing, and when the baby was born, you rarely saw it. They had that totally weak Rachel/Joey storyline, and the only mildly interesting thing that came out of that was the conflict between Joey and Ross. The only consolation prize that came from the baby years of Friends was that Paul Rudd was on the show. I'd have his baby any day.

2. That 70's Show

By all means, please allow yourself a few minutes to remember the epic moments of this show. It might've been when Eric pulled down Donna's pants when they were playing basketball. Or maybe it was their trip to Canada. Maybe even the time they said they were going to go streaking. Yeah, this show used to be awesome. Why did we stop watching it? Because Kelso got a girl pregnant, and we just didn't care after that. And we were right to stop caring, because soon after Ashton Kutcher and Topher Grace left the show, Donna was blonde, Lindsay Lohan was guest starring (and this was a copout because she was at the peak of her career at the time), and the show died slowly and painfully.

3. Rugrats
The strangest part about this case study is that the show was about babies. How could a baby kill a show about babies? Well, it's possible, and it did happen. Think back to this show when it was in its prime. How many babies were there? One less than five? Yep.

The Exception

You can hate on Sex and the City all you want, but one thing you can't say is that the baby killed this show. I have a few theories on how this worked: 1) the character who had the baby was the least popular character, so people didn't mind seeing her get punished for it. 2) the show is about sex, sex can sometimes lead to a pregnancy, so it seemed like a very obvious story line to have at some point. And 3) people didn't care as long as Kim Cattrall kept showing her boobs.

Awesome Show That Would Be Ruined By A Baby

How I Met Your Mother is easily one of the best sitcoms on TV right now, but a baby would totally jeopardize that. Unless they did it right, it would probably die the same death that Friends did; make a huge deal about the pregnancy, then have the baby, followed by a strange absence of said baby. I would stop watching then and there, and pray that the show would go to sitcom heaven.

things I'm liking lately!

-LUSH baths

-my new iPhone. omg I will never go back to Blackberry.

-Sunshine.

-Driving with the sun roof open.

-Watching movies about people who's lives are shittier than mine.

-Rarely wearing pants.

-Rarely wearing bras.

-Rarely wearing anything.

-Ice cream cones.

-Sunglasses.

-Cute dresses.

-Upcoming trips.

-Not giving a fuck about boys for once in my life.

-Fighting for my right to parrrrrrrrrrtay!

-Being healthier.

-Getting stronger.

-Money.

-Having enough money to not give a fuck about money. (not yet but I will get there.)

-Making important decisions.

-Team Rocket's antics.

-Lip balm.

-Discovering my potential.

-Parks and Recreation is finally funny.

-Eating Japanese food while watching Japanese television.

-Good hair days.

-Spending time with friends.

-Encouragement.

-Saving money.

-Letting things go.

who wore it better?

Who was the best at accessorizing with a kitten?

Stephen Harper

Michael Ignatieff

This is unrelated, but I found a picture of Jack Layton rocking out on what seems to be an airplane. That's pretty awesome.

And don't forget, on May 2nd you can head to the polls and vote for one of the above three (or others, depending on your riding) to become our Prime Minister!

top 5 gifts I don't like getting

So we've all received some bad gifts at one time or another. And some people might say, "people who complain about the gifts they receive are just ungrateful". Well, those people are liars. I don't care who you are, you get bummed out when you get a gift you didn't really want. Here's a list of gifts I personally hate getting.

1. Self Help Books

I get really insulted when someone gives me a self help book. It's like they've noticed a flaw that I have, and they're pressuring me to change it by spending my valuable time reading. Don't get me wrong, I like reading, but I don't care much to spend a few hours learning how something I've been doing with my life is completely wrong.

2. Chocolate

I am not a huge chocolate fan. I pretty much only eat it when I crave it. The chocolate I often receive at Christmas time lasts me well into February. So save me a few thousand calories and give me some cash instead.

3. Towels

I'm not even kidding about this, but one Christmas, my grandfather and his wife gave me and my brother towels for Christmas. We have yet to forgive them.

4. Souvenir T-Shirts

Ugh, seriously. I have about fifty million of them and I don't think I can take anymore. I think I'm just going to have to refuse to accept them. I mean, they never fit properly enough to be worn in public, so I just resort to wearing them around the house, when I'm working out, or when I'm sleeping. AND I DON'T NEED TEN THOUSAND SHIRTS TO DO THESE AFOREMENTIONED THINGS! Jesus Christ, get me a keychain or a snow globe instead.

5. A Donation in Your Name

This may seem like a nice idea, but unless I asked for it specifically, I will hate you forever. Especially if it comes with an obnoxious little note like the one above.

So there you have it for your future reference. You are of course allowed to buy me these things if you have asked me permission, but chances are I will not grant it to you so... get me something better, k?

help sarah go to vancouver on may long!

Here's the deal:

It looks like I'm going to have all of May Long Weekend off from work. I didn't even ask for it off, so this just may be a sign from Jesus. I've been wanting to visit Vancouver pretty much since I left in December, and this might be a perfect time to go! The only problem is that I need to come up with money, and fast. So here's where you come in! DON'T LET ME SPEND MY MONEY! Especially on things I don't need. There are of course, other expenses in my life right now that I absolutely cannot get around... but things like coffee, lunch at the food court, etc... I can live without it.

That's pretty much all you can do... unless you wanted to pay for my trip... that'd be pretty awesome.

Much love,

Sarah

UPDATE:

So... by some miracle I had enough space on my credit card to book these flights... SO THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING PEOPLE!

I still love you,

Sarah

my favorite song!

I discovered this a few months ago and it's been bringing me great joy ever since:

biggest buzzkill awards

Don't you hate it when you find a really enjoyable show on television, but there's always one character that you absolutely can't stand? Let me introduce you to Randall Weems, the biggest buzzkill from one of the best shows of our childhood, Recess.

What was this kid's deal? He basically walked around the playground and spied on kids in case any shit went down. And if it did, he'd immediately report to Ms. Finster, who, looking back on the show now, reminds me of a certain third grade teacher we all had. But that's not important. What I'm trying to explain is that this little puke got his boners from ruining everyone else's fun, and if that's not a definition of a buzzkill, I don't know what is.

But you know what grinds my gears most about him? The fact that he wonders why he has no friends. Really Randall? Do I seriously have to explain it to you? Remember the time his dad (aka an animated Steve Buscemi) came to school and he had to beg the main Recess gang to pretend to be his friends? How pathetic! Could there be anything more embarrassing for everyone involved? Oh yeah, how about if Randall's dad found out that they were only pretending to be Randall's friend? Wait, that actually happened? Why am I not surprised?!

Also, when I was in elementary school, I got along with my teachers. But they weren't my friends. Randall has lunch with Ms. Finster everyday and that's kind of weird. And what's even weirder is that Ms. Finster doesn't encourage him to grow into a more social person. It kind of makes me wonder about the nature of their relationship... does Randall's mother know what's going on? If he gets off so much on snitching, why won't he tell anyone what's REALLY going on between him and his teacher? Think of the glory he would get for putting that sex offender behind bars!

Normally I'd speculate on what kind of person Randall would grow up to be, but I think we all know that he grew up to be Moe from The Simpsons. And it's no secret that Moe is miserable and lonely. So I'm okay with how Randall's life turned out.

And so, for being the biggest tattle-tale that TV land has ever seen, I am (un)happy to present the Biggest Buzzkill Award to Randall Weems. Douche.