guest post: eddie vedder

The following post was written by Pearl Jam lead singer Eddie Vedder.

ERRRRRRRRRR RAAAAAAAAAHHHHH MUUURURRRRRRRRR AHHHHHHHHH AHEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR NOTHINGMAAAAAAAAAAAAN AAAAAAHHHHH YAAAAAAAYEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAA JEREMY SPOOOOOKE IN CLAAAAAASS TODAAAAAAAAAAAAY ERRRRRRRR RAAAAWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNN WUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRR.

Thank you Eddie. That was eloquent as always.

girl talk!

So I haven't updated in a month. Which I feel bad about, but to those of you who check my blog daily in hopes of finding something new, I have to ask: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR SUMMER?!

Anyway, a few days ago I found this little gem on youtube. GIRL TALK! Featuring a very young Sarah Michelle Gellar and Soleil Moon Frye (which has to be one of the stupidest names ever, I'm sorry. Just kidding, I'm not. Her name is really stupid and I won't apologize for that, her parents should). Anyway, it's from 1989, and it's pretty awful. But awful in a way that makes you want to see more. Unfortunately there was only one episode made. It bums me out that the theme song is way too long because I'd like to see more of the girls talking.

I also enjoyed the interview with the guy I had never heard of before. It's nice to know that he once existed.

But I think my favorite part is when they "talk" to the New Kids On The Block (I use that term loosely because you don't really see the girls in the same room with them)! Keep your ears peeled for when one of them says, "when people offer you drugs, if you don't want them, just say no". Solid advice.

It's such a shame that this only lasted one episode. I really would've liked to heard what Joey Lawrence would've had to have said.

my favorite song!

I discovered this a few months ago and it's been bringing me great joy ever since:

gotta get down on fried eggs

Apparently I've been too focused on the situation in Japan lately, because I had no idea that this video existed until yesterday. I'm of course talking about the musical masterpiece known as "Friday" by 13 year old Rebecca Black.

At first, I didn't understand what the hate on this video was all about. I thought that she and a group of her friends had written and recorded the song themselves, and filmed a video for it all on their own. I was impressed that a group of 13 year olds could produce something that looked so professional. But then I found out that an actual record label invested money into this production and now all I can do is facepalm.

The record label Rebecca Black has signed with is known as "Ark Music Factory" (more like "Evil Music Factory" AMIRIGHT AMIRIGHT?)- a label who evidently casts young talent to record their songs. But not without the help of auto tune! Which is a shame, because these young kids probably do have some amount of legit talent.

I just don't understand the process. Do these song writers actually get paid for shit like this? Do the executives get to see the finished product before it is released? And if so, do they actually watch it and go "WE'VE GOT THE NEXT BIG HIT ON OUR HANDS!" I mean, they probably think they're helping these kids' careers but honestly... who would pay money to see Rebecca Black sing "Friday" live? Anyone? Bueller... Bueller? Didn't think so. And what exactly is the target audience they're trying to cater to? I think I would've felt that my intelligence was being insulted if this song came out when I was a child.

If you think you can stomach it, check out some of the other talent on Ark Music Factory's roster.

And you thought Justin Bieber was annoying? But I can't in good conscience bash these kids for doing what they love to do, so maybe this is one of those rare times where we should "hate the game, not the player".

in the news

Sometimes, things happen in this world. Sometimes, these things get reported by the media. Sometimes, I feel passionate enough about these things to express my opinions about said things.

My beef today is with The Canadian Broadcast Standards Council for banning one of my dad songs, "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits for the threefold use of the word "faggot".

I'm not gay, and as far as I know, I will never be gay, so I don't know how much of a victory this is for the gay and lesbian community. I mean, I know and love a lot of gay people, and as far as I know, none of them have ever lost sleep over this song.

Here are the lyrics in question:

See the little faggot with the earring and the makeup

Yeah buddy that's his own hair

That little faggot got his own jet airplane

That little faggot he's a millionaire

Now, this song has been pumping in our household since as long as I can remember, and honestly, I've never once paid attention to these particular lyrics (it's way funner to sing "I WANT MY MTV!" anyway). So was completely banning it from radio play really necessary? Is it not possible to bleep out the expletives and go on with our daily lives? I mean, if this song came out in 2011, there's no way that it would've been released as a single and I doubt it would've been a big hit. But this song came out in 1985. Now, I was born after 1985 so I can't really say for sure, but I'm pretty certain that back then, political correctness wasn't a huge priority.

I'm sorry to say, but there is no such thing as a 100% politically correct person in this world. If you think that the word "faggot" (and every other slur, for that matter) is slowly disappearing, you are very much wrong. I hear slurs more often now than I did as a child, that's for sure. You can remove the n word from Mark Twain's Huck Finn, but that's not going to stop somebody from saying it.

This song is said to be reminiscent of Archie Bunker, a character from the 1970's hit TV Show All in the Family. So the fact that Dire Straits ONLY chose to use the word "faggot" is pretty amazing. The song is obviously based on a character. Characters are often based on real people. So does CBSC not believe that there are real people in the world who use the word "faggot" in reference to an effeminate man? Because there are. You've seen it happen, and so have I.

I mean, I think this song is old enough to be considered "Classic Rock". Taking this song away is probably going to anger more people than it offends.

I think what grinds my gears the most is that the decision to ban it was made after one, one complaint. Is that really all it takes to solve my problems with the music industry? Well hot damn! While we're banning things, let's get rid of Avril Lavigne because she incorrectly spells "Skater Boy". Let's get rid of Dallas Green because his music makes me want to commit suicide! And how could I forget! Let's ban the Beatles from the radio too because John Lennon was an atheist and Paul McCartney doesn't support the Seal Hunt! Oh the horror! Praise God that someone like me exists to think of the children!

But seriously CBSC, good job. By banning this song, you're making more room on radio set lists for Nickelback. Because if there's one thing we all need more of, it's Nickelback, so thanks!

top 5 stalker songs

There's been a lot of stalker talk lately. I don't condone it by any means (jk I do it all the time), but I have a fair amount of knowledge on the creepiest songs ever. So when you're sitting outside the object of your affection's house in your white van, here's a list of songs you can listen to:

1. Every Breath You Take - The Police. This is such a claaaaassic stalker song. You can't even consider it a stalker playlist if you don't have this song on it.

2. Invisible - Clay Aiken. I feel kind of bad that Clay Aiken had to start his career with this single. At some point he must've realized how creepy this song is, right?

3. I See You - Mika. Okay, I love Mika, and I love this song, but it's got a bit of a creep factor. I get it, unrequited love is supposed to be beautiful and romantic, but it just comes off as stalkery.

4. Out of My Head - Mobile. This song doesn't only give me a stalker vibe, but a little rapey vibe too. But I'll be watching you.

5. Creep - Radiohead. This is the best "I'm-not-actually-creepy-but-you-think-I am-I-just-love-you-so-much" song ever.

And there ya have it folks, Sarah's top 5 stalker songs. Happy stalking! I mean, what?

top 5 dad songs

When I was growing up, our family went on a lot of road trips. My dad controlled the CD player, so me and my brother always knew we'd be listening to these songs:

1. El Paso by Marty Robbins. This is a badass song from like, 1959 about a cowboy who shoots this guy for flirting with the girl that he wanted to bump uglies with. He runs away, but his love for the girl is so strong that he comes back. Tragedy ensues. About 20 years later, Marty Robbins released a song called "El Paso City" as a sequel to this song. It's worth a listen.

2. Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond. We all know what this song's about! ;) ;) I've never met someone who didn't like this song, or at the very least disliked making the "BUM BUM BUM" trumpet sounds whenever me and my friends drunkenly perform our rendition of it. Fun fact: I saw Neil Diamond in concert. He did this song for his encore... twice. Like, at the very end of the first time, he was like, "ONE MORE TIME!" and the music started up again. I'm all about the cliches.

3. Knock Three Times by Tony Orlando and Dawn. I really don't know what comments to make on this song. I guess this was pop music at its best in the 60's.

4. Delilah by Tom Jones. We listened to a lot of Tom Jones on these trips, but for some reason, "Delilah" stands out above the rest of them. Probably because my dad would passionately sing along as if the song was happening to him (which is pretty sick. I mean the song's about killing your girlfriend after finding out she cheated on you). Other Tom Jones songs worth mentioning: "What's New Pussycat", "It's Not Unusual" and "Daughter of Darkness". Oh, and "She's a Lady". You know what, you could probably just go ahead and download (I mean purchase... purchase legally) every Tom Jones song ever. It's straight up baby making music.

5. If I Can Dream by Elvis Presley. This shouldn't be much of a surprise since my dad is obsessed with Elvis. And I don't blame him. If I was alive back in his day... oh my. I don't even want to think about all the freaky and unmoral things I would do. Damn Elvis was a hottie. Anyway, this also happens to be my favorite Elvis song. I mean, it's got a great message and you can't ask for much more than that. Other Elvis songs worth mentioning: "In the Ghetto", "Suspicious Minds", and "A Little Less Conversation".

Honorable Mention:

A Boy Named Sue - Johnny Cash

Take a Chance on Me - ABBA

Bicycle Race - Queen

I also want to mention that these are songs from when my dad was a child/teenager. It makes me feel weird that when I play music from when I was a child/teenager for children in the future, it's going to be stuff like Sublime, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Killers, etc. Isn't that crazy!?