biggest buzzkill awards

Holy fuck, do I ever love Arthur! But you know who sucks? Prunella.

Why is Arthur and his pals friends with this bitch? No, scratch that, they're obviously not friends with her. She's just that weird girl who hangs around with them and they don't have the guts to tell her to leave. But what's her deal? She's in fourth grade and hangs out with third graders. Get some friends Prunella!

She also has the audacity to celebrate her half birthday. Like, how self absorbed can someone be? Surviving for 6 months isn't really a big deal.

And oh my God, one time, Francine worked her ass off in order to afford a doll for Prunella's birthday present. At her party, Prunella opened her gift and was like, "I ALREADY HAVE THIS LOL" and she tossed it aside in front of Francine! I would've smacked the rat nose off of her (I can only assume she's a rat... appropriate)! Oh but it gets worse! After the party, Prunella was like, "Francine ruined my party! She was such a downer!" Holy fuck off! You are the worst friend ever.

I suspect that Prunella lacks a father figure in her life. She probably grew up to be that girl who does anything to impress men. And I mean anything. I wouldn't be surprised if she developed a crack addiction or an eating disorder. Her life will be miserable, but she's smart enough to know that so she'll hate herself for how she turned out. I almost feel sorry for her.

biggest buzzkill awards: babies on TV

I hate when I'm really into a show, and suddenly a character mentions that they're pregnant. I think it's weak writing and it's just so cliche and overdone and the baby eventually kills the show. I don't hate babies, but it's very rare for them to have an appropriate place on television. Here are 3 case studies of shows that were ruined by babies:

1. Friends

Think back to when this show was awesome. Then think back to when it started sucking. It was right after Rachel had the baby, wasn't it? The weirdest part of the whole thing was that the season featuring her pregnancy was really good, but after the birth episode... it just sucked. The pregnancy was made out to be this huge thing, and when the baby was born, you rarely saw it. They had that totally weak Rachel/Joey storyline, and the only mildly interesting thing that came out of that was the conflict between Joey and Ross. The only consolation prize that came from the baby years of Friends was that Paul Rudd was on the show. I'd have his baby any day.

2. That 70's Show

By all means, please allow yourself a few minutes to remember the epic moments of this show. It might've been when Eric pulled down Donna's pants when they were playing basketball. Or maybe it was their trip to Canada. Maybe even the time they said they were going to go streaking. Yeah, this show used to be awesome. Why did we stop watching it? Because Kelso got a girl pregnant, and we just didn't care after that. And we were right to stop caring, because soon after Ashton Kutcher and Topher Grace left the show, Donna was blonde, Lindsay Lohan was guest starring (and this was a copout because she was at the peak of her career at the time), and the show died slowly and painfully.

3. Rugrats
The strangest part about this case study is that the show was about babies. How could a baby kill a show about babies? Well, it's possible, and it did happen. Think back to this show when it was in its prime. How many babies were there? One less than five? Yep.

The Exception

You can hate on Sex and the City all you want, but one thing you can't say is that the baby killed this show. I have a few theories on how this worked: 1) the character who had the baby was the least popular character, so people didn't mind seeing her get punished for it. 2) the show is about sex, sex can sometimes lead to a pregnancy, so it seemed like a very obvious story line to have at some point. And 3) people didn't care as long as Kim Cattrall kept showing her boobs.

Awesome Show That Would Be Ruined By A Baby

How I Met Your Mother is easily one of the best sitcoms on TV right now, but a baby would totally jeopardize that. Unless they did it right, it would probably die the same death that Friends did; make a huge deal about the pregnancy, then have the baby, followed by a strange absence of said baby. I would stop watching then and there, and pray that the show would go to sitcom heaven.

biggest buzzkill awards

Don't you hate it when you find a really enjoyable show on television, but there's always one character that you absolutely can't stand? Let me introduce you to Randall Weems, the biggest buzzkill from one of the best shows of our childhood, Recess.

What was this kid's deal? He basically walked around the playground and spied on kids in case any shit went down. And if it did, he'd immediately report to Ms. Finster, who, looking back on the show now, reminds me of a certain third grade teacher we all had. But that's not important. What I'm trying to explain is that this little puke got his boners from ruining everyone else's fun, and if that's not a definition of a buzzkill, I don't know what is.

But you know what grinds my gears most about him? The fact that he wonders why he has no friends. Really Randall? Do I seriously have to explain it to you? Remember the time his dad (aka an animated Steve Buscemi) came to school and he had to beg the main Recess gang to pretend to be his friends? How pathetic! Could there be anything more embarrassing for everyone involved? Oh yeah, how about if Randall's dad found out that they were only pretending to be Randall's friend? Wait, that actually happened? Why am I not surprised?!

Also, when I was in elementary school, I got along with my teachers. But they weren't my friends. Randall has lunch with Ms. Finster everyday and that's kind of weird. And what's even weirder is that Ms. Finster doesn't encourage him to grow into a more social person. It kind of makes me wonder about the nature of their relationship... does Randall's mother know what's going on? If he gets off so much on snitching, why won't he tell anyone what's REALLY going on between him and his teacher? Think of the glory he would get for putting that sex offender behind bars!

Normally I'd speculate on what kind of person Randall would grow up to be, but I think we all know that he grew up to be Moe from The Simpsons. And it's no secret that Moe is miserable and lonely. So I'm okay with how Randall's life turned out.

And so, for being the biggest tattle-tale that TV land has ever seen, I am (un)happy to present the Biggest Buzzkill Award to Randall Weems. Douche.

biggest buzzkill awards

This past weekend, I had the rare pleasure of stumbling upon The Magic School Bus on TV. I was so happy to find this gem from the 90's that I got up from my couch and did a little 90's dance (aka the Macarena... JK I didn't actually dance. But I felt like it. You get the point). I have never experienced such joy in my life. But sadly, my glee was short lived, all because some orange haired fucker opened up his big mouth and said, "please let this be a normal field trip!"

I was then reminded of how much I hate Arnold.

First of all Arnold, what exactly do you have to whine about? There's like, how many kids in your class? 8? Do you know how lucky you are to have that kind of education? You're going to be so smart when you grow up! Did you ever stop and think that maybe your class goes on so many field trips because the school can actually afford to send all of you into space? Didn't think so. Really Arnold. If you hate it so much, I'm sure you can easily transfer to Phoebe's old school. Nobody would miss you.

And Arnold, do you know how many kids would kill to have field trips every day? Seriously, who the fuck likes to learn about things by sitting in desks and listening to teachers talk all day? When I was a kid, I was stuck inside a classroom all day long watching you when you were taking field trips into space or a volcano or Dorothy Ann's textbook. Your life isn't that bad, so shut up.

You know what pisses me off the most? You're in what, third grade? And taking field trips into Ralphie's knee? You know where I went on a field trip in grade 3? Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump. AND THE BUS BROKE DOWN ON THE WAY HOME! So stop complaining about your awesome school life.

I hope Arnold grew up to be miserable. He was probably the kid who brought 70 inhalers to sleep away camp for the weekend and wore a nose plug in the pool. He probably brought his cousin Janet to prom cause nobody else would go with him. And he's probably a really successful accountant or lawyer, but his wife who looks just like him (Janet again, possibly?) left him for the traveling door-to-door vacuum salesman. Bottom line, everyone else in his class probably wins at life, and he loses. And for that, he wins a Biggest Buzzkill Award.

It should be stated though, the voice actor who portrays Arnold is Danny Tamberelli, known from the awesomeness that is the show The Adventures of Pete and Pete and Nickelodeon's All That.