Babeapalooza 2012

These are some of the hotties I look at when I need some, uh, inspiration.

 (for Kim)

 I couldn't decide between Steve Buscemi and Elijah Wood, so I chose both at the same time.

 "So what who cares?"

An open letter from 21 year old sarah to 22 year old sarah

Dear 22 year old Sarah,

Hey. It's me, 21 year old Sarah. I know you don't exist yet, but in a few hours you will. And also in a few hours, I will exist no more. And that's okay. But before I become a mere memory of your youth, I have a few favors to ask of you.

1. Please stop wearing sweatpants in public. Like seriously. I mean, it's okay if you're working out or if you're hungover or just hanging out at home, but you're 22 now. You're not even in college anymore. It's just getting ridiculous.

2. Don't freak out over your career(s) or lack thereof. It's really no big d and if you want to go back to school eventually, that's cool, but if not, you're still young and have time to think about it!

3. Continue being babely. I've already set the groundwork for you. You just have to keep it up! Keep dropping the pounds and wearing those pants that make your ass look amazing. And for Christ's sake, take the fucking compliment when you're given one! You look awesome and it can only get better from here! Oh and also, if you think a babely babe might be flirting with you, you should definitely flirt back.

4. Grow your hair out, but don't dye it blond. The 20 year old version of us really screwed us over and bleached her hair, pretty much forcing me to have to get it all cut off. Please don't make that mistake again.

5. Take more trips. You need to go. Anywhere. Everywhere.

6. When you go to a store and don't see what you need, ask for help. Don't be so proud.

7. The awkwardness. Tone it down. One of these days that won't be so cute anymore. Stand your ground, get a grasp on what you need to say, and fucking say it.

8. Stop being so shy! If you wanna meet cool people, you're gonna have to stop being shy! Being a good listener will only get you so far.

9. Learn from the mistakes I made. Don't get pulled into the insanity cycle by making the same mistakes over and over. Some people don't deserve second chances and it's up to you to decide whether or not you should give them one. Choose wisely.

10. Continue to love yourself, and love those who love you. Don't treat your family like shit. Not that I necessarily did, but they will be your only lifeline on those days where you feel like you have nothing.

Overall 22 year old Sarah, I was good. I started off not so great, but then I got better, but then I sucked, but I turned it around at the end and it's all good! I know you will be better though. If you just keep at it, you'll have the best year you've ever had. I wish you all the best.

Love,
21 year old Sarah

happy holidays vs merry christmas

So this debate pops up every holiday season. You know the one I'm getting at. Basically, people who celebrate Christmas get all butt-hurt when someone wishes them "Happy Holidays", and people who don't celebrate Christmas cry when they get wished a "Merry Christmas".

You didn't ask for my opinion, but I'm gonna give it to you anyway: Both sides of the debate are stupid.

HAPPY WHO GIVES A FUCK!

Here's the deal, if someone says "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays", chances are they're not doing it to intentionally piss you off. In fact, they don't have to wish you a merry or a happy anything. It's really no different from someone saying, "Have a nice day". So shut the fuck up, say thank you, and move on. If you're gonna get all bent out of shape over something, anything, don't let it be this. It just makes you look like an oversensitive douchebag. Have a nice day.

happiness runs in a circular motion

Don't you find being depressed severely overrated?

I'm not gonna lie, last month I was absolutely miserable - and also a complete cliche. I'm sure you know how it goes; the crying every night, having no will whatsoever to get up in the morning, trying to live your life vicariously through movies about people who are awesome. Oh, and of course the hardest part of all this is trying to phrase a Facebook status that is a subtle cry for help without being all, "WAAAH MY LIFE SUCKS, FEEL SORRY FOR ME!"

But fuck it! That was last month and things are pretty awesome now! I started a new diet, and I've lost 10 pounds already! How sexy is that? I've actually started to rebuild my social life, so I don't get nearly as bored as I used to! And I even met a hot babe this month! I can't really go into much detail about that, but whatever, he was damn fine and a new crush is just what I need to get over an old one!

So basically, the moral of my story is that if you're not content with you're life, you're the only one who can change it. And you can change it quickly! Start asking people if they want to hang out, start eating healthier, and stop feeling sorry for yourself! It's exhausting and aging you terribly! You know who you are!

halloweener is here!

So, it is once again Halloween and thus I will present to you a new list of 10 scary things! 

1. Pancreatic cancer

2. Some people actually take Republican candidates seriously

3. People your age are getting married and having kids

4. Not knowing if you're going to puke or not

5. When you're driving with the windows down in the summer and a bee flies into your car

6. Gastrointestinal allergies

7. Going out in public looking like shit and then meeting a really hot guy! Ahhh!

8. Using the restroom and then realizing that there is no toilet paper left

9. Discovering that you may have accidentally ate celery

10. Heights

So... are you SCARED yet?

halloween halp!

Who's all stoked for Halloween? OH I SURE AM! Last year I was Meowth from Pokemon, and my costume was pretty half assed. At least I admitted it. This year I'm going to be a toddler in a tiara!

Me.

I'm still not 100% sure how I'll pull this off though! Should I get a wig or just struggle with doing my hair? Should my makeup make me look like a whore? Should I get a tan? I feel like I should get a tan. Most of the shock value that comes from watching Toddlers and Tiaras is when mothers tan their daughters. Okay yeah, I'm gonna tan.

Needless to say, I am very, very excited to scare everyone with this costume! I hope everyone pukes when they see me!

what to do when someone doesn't like you

Oh man, is there anything more upsetting than realizing that someone doesn't like you? It's never happened to me, but I hear it's quite momentarily devastating! It doesn't matter how you've come to the revelation to someone's disdain towards you; maybe you saw this person create an event on Facebook of which all of your mutual friends were invited to... and not you. Holy shit, Facebook is the worst for that. I mean, when you hosted events in real life you could always be like, "Oh I forgot your invitation at home..." or "It got lost in the mail..." but with Facebook there's really no believable excuse you can give someone when you've intentionally given them the shaft. But now I'm getting off topic.

At first you might panic. Especially if this person is someone you see and interact with everyday, such as a coworker or classmate. If it's a distant relative or someone you see less than once a year, my first piece of advice to you is don't sweat it. If they're out of sight, they are out of your mind. And really, they're not worthy of even being on your mind.

So back to the people you see everyday. How could they dislike you? You're awesome (because you're reading this, duh)! But for whatever reason, (most likely because they have a pointy stick up their asshole), they don't like you. You might feel inclined to examine what traits you have that irritates them, and try to correct them in order to appear more likable. DO NOT DO THIS! You will come off as a desperate tryhard, and I will personally lose all of my respect for you. Have you ever seen someone try really hard to make a good impression? Was it painful to watch? That's right, it was. You will look just like that person except worse, because you'd be making a bad impression even worse. So yeah, don't change yourself just to please some douchebag. Besides, a true friend would tell you what personality traits you need to work on, someone who dislikes you would not. Plus! If you ~*~stay true to urself~*~ there is a chance that they will learn to like you!

Now you're probably like, "Sar-ah! That's so cliche!" Yeah, I know, but it makes sense, right? But you have another option, and that is to give them a reason to dislike you. Now, here's where you can be creative! I have disliked people for a plethora of reasons; they're too nice, they're too shy, they're self-centered, they're overly religious... as you can see, there are many reasons to dislike someone, and not all of them are justified. But that's the way humans are! We can't always justify the way we feel. That's why you should just embrace the fact that you talk too much or that you're a huge Nickelback fan or whatever  and rub it in their stupid faces! They'll probably dislike you even more, but you're fresh out of fucks to give!

If all else fails, ignore them. They're not worth your time. Make it seem like you know something they don't. Sometimes you can't avoid them, so sadly you'll have to be pleasant and cordial even though you've probably fantasized about this great confrontation where you dramatically ask them to confess their reasons for hating you but you know what? You don't want to know. Chances are that you don't have a solid way to defend whatever quality you have that they don't like. You'll be like, "I'm only obnoxious because... um..." and it will be sadder than watching a puppy die. Well, maybe not that sad, but sad nonetheless.

And sometimes, there is a horrible circumstance in which the person who dislikes you is someone you have a crush on. It is so terrible even though I've never experienced it! The above advice still applies, but if you're feeling particularly jilted, photoshop is a great way to console yourself! You can just take a picture of that doucher and turn it into something like this:

Just post that baby on the internet anonymously and hurray! You've ruined their life! But I should warn you that doing this would not be "taking the high road". Good luck!