Tuesday, October 19, 2010

the shitlist

We all knew that this was coming.

The Shitlist

1. Celery. Celery is possibly the most disgusting thing one could ever put into their bodies. Everything about it putrid... the way it tastes, the way it smells, the strings that stick out when other people (because I would never indulge in such a vile vegetable) eat it... ughhh. There's really no amount of cream cheese or peanut butter that you can put on your celery stick to make it appetizing. Nope.
2. Onions. I hate onions almost as much as I hate celery, but not quite as much. I can handle onions sometimes.
3. Mamma Mia! Just to clarify, I'm talking about the movie adaptation, not the musical itself. The musical is quite enjoyable, actually. If you ever get a chance to see it, I would recommend it. But the movie, oy. I am quite convinced that this movie was the most tragic event to ever happen to cinema. It seems that I am in the minority of holding this opinion, but I mean come on people, even Meryl Streep couldn't save this movie.
4. The Vancouver Canucks. I'm not sure if my beef is with the team itself, or their fan base. It's rare that I meet a Canucks fan that doesn't take my disdain for their team as a personal insult to them as a person. I'm definitely not saying that all of their fans are like that, but a lot of them are. Like, it was so bad last season that CBC did a story on the news about how unsportsmanlike their fans were. Not gonna lie, I'm nervous about writing this on the internet. I could be a target for their next hate crime.
5. Arnold from The Magic School Bus. Shut up, nobody else wants a normal field trip, so stop complaining.
6. Twilight. ARRRRRRGH there are like a million reasons to hate Twilight. Did it dawn on anyone that these books are based off of Stephenie Meyer's wet dreams? And that wouldn't be so bad if she didn't keep repeating the facts that Edward Cullen as "topaz eyes" and "marble skin" and a "velvet voice". And AND how about the fact that she goes on for pages and pages describing mundane things in detail, completely to the point where I get bored and pick up the closest Harry Potter book instead.
7. Having no money. This is pretty self explanatory.
8. When creepy old guys hit on you. Okay, so let me be the first to say that older men can be awesome. But when they're creepy, they're not so awesome. When I was 18 I worked the opening shift at a nearby convenience store, and everyday at 6:30 am this old guy would come in and validate lottery tickets. One day he told me that I had pretty hair. I was like, "oh, kay... thanks..." because it kind of came out of nowhere and something seemed malicious about it. Then the next day he asked me out! I was like, "um, no thanks..." and waited for him to leave the store so I could puke. Yeah, so not nice.
9. Construction zones. I don't know much about Construction Zones in most places, but the ones in Calgary drive me nuts. First of all, there's like, 2394823039209 different construction sites at any time in that city, and they're mostly really big sites that will take several years to finish. I generally don't mind slowing down during construction zones, but when I drive by and see all the workers sitting around doing nothing with their Tim Hortons coffees and donuts, I just lose it. Really?! REALLY!? MY tax dollars are funding YOUR donuts? Fuck off.
10. Bad music when you're sober. This is why I drink.

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