Wednesday, November 24, 2010

sarah's hangover cures!

Studies show that the best way to avoid a hangover is by not getting one. I will pause for your laughter now. Anyway, people always ask me, "SAR-AH! How can you drink so excessively and not feel it the next day?" The truth? Years upon years of building up a tolerance. But every now and then I have one shot too many and it makes the next morning feel like the Apocalypse is near. I have my way of dealing with it, and since I am benevolent, I will share it with you.

1. Sleep. This is very important to the hangover curing process because sometimes you can be fortunate enough to sleep through the whole hangover and wake up feeling well rested and ready to party again. Seriously. Sometimes I get absolutely wasted out of my mind and fall asleep for 36 hours. But the important part is that I wake up feeling great!

2. Gatorade. I don't know what it is about this stuff, but it works. Everyone has a different flavor that works for them, but I like the blue and the red kinds the best. Sometimes purple. For the extreme party animal, I recommend a trip to Costco and buying a whole flat of Gatorade so you can have it on hand, just in case.

3. Fast Food. Your stomach will thank you for putting food inside of it. Unless you puke, in which case it's saying "fuck you". If you're feeling up to it, you should run to the nearest fast food restaurant and dig in. I took a random poll among my friends, and some of their favorite places include:
-Tim Hortons

And I can personally vouch for all of these places.

4. Pop some Advil. Chances are you've got a pretty big headache. Well, take something for it.

5. If all else fails, make yourself throw up. If absolutely NOTHING else is helping you escape the horror of these feelings, then I guess you're gonna have to go bulimia style on yourself. I wish I could personally say that I've never resorted to it, but it has saved my ass quite a few times. It's okay, I won't judge you for it. Also, if possible, try to attempt this the night before while you are still drunk. It just... works better that way. I promise.


  1. Sometimes I cannot sleep! I wake up after five hours feeling like nine miles of rough road, drink a Brita jug full of water, and then lie back down, ONLY TO FIND that my entire body has rebelled wholly against the concept of a bed and I am in fact disgusted by the physical act of trying to fall back asleep.

    BUT I HAVE DISCOVERED! That if I turn onto the side that I don't usually sleep on, or place myself in some other unusual position (sideways, feet on pillows, etc) I can sort of trick my body. "I'm not trying to sleep! I'm just staying horizontal, because of the headache!" And then I lie there thinking miserable thoughts about how stupid I was to drink ever at all, and why can't I drink like a grown-up instead of going batshit crazy, until the self-loathing lulls me into dopeyness, and then I roll over (or whatever) and return to the familiar embrace of my usual sleeping position, and then BAM five more hours at least, and I wake up feeling like a human being again, instead of a gummy shoeprint.

  2. Ahaha you always leave the most epic comments! I often have trouble sleeping too though. Especially when I start trying to figure out what happened that night. I just start LOLing at the awesomeness of me and my friends and I cannot stop.

  3. When I get a really bad hangover - a hizzangover, if you will - it retroactively de-awesomes the night before. It's like the poison remaining in my body is reaching back through time and poisoning my memories as well. I never forget things, though - stuff gets cloudy, but I never black out (I have passed out on my couch, but that's different). I think it's because I get really paranoid and uncomfortable with drunkenness when I stop being able to track my own thoughts and what's happening in the moment, so that's when I stop drinking booze and move onto nobler pursuits like hydration or vomiting.