-I must be attracted to you from the beginning. None of this "getting to know you" bullshit. I know you can't really control my attraction to you, but having blue eyes will help (but it not always necessary).
-You must allow me to mock you and put you down at my leisure. You are welcome to return the favor but if I start crying, you should probably stop.
-You must laugh at my subtle references to my alcoholism, but never question them.
-You must not eat celery around me.
-You don't have to like Pokemon, but you must know what it is.
-You must laugh at my jokes.
-It helps if you're at least 5 years older than me. But again, not necessary.
-You must have some sort of career, or least are taking steps towards one.
-It is your responsibility to take me home from a party once I've started drunk crying.
I recommend saving this list so you can reference it at any time. Even if you're not interesting today, you could be tomorrow. Maybe...